I was listening to Dan Savage’s podcast the other day and some asshole was letting his dog lick the jizz out of his hands. “He seems to like it,” the guy said, but that doesn’t make it right. Just because something is so good you want to lick it doesn’t mean you should. Thinking about Tamer Honsy later that day it was obvious that there was a correlation. Both the cum licking dog and Tamer Hosny fandom have one thing in common: They are gay as fuck.
Tamer Hosny caused a steep rift in our nation’s solid rock, more so than Shiites and Sunnis did in Iraq. It would make more sense to mull over the Facebook honesty box or the proper way to read car plates (is it left to right, or right to left?) Following Hosny’s first Free-Mix release people got divided into those who love him, those who hate him, and those who wanna snatch that fucking guitar out of his hands and shove it all way up his shitty ass. No one was left undecided.
Why is it so easy to pick on the guy? Why are so many Facebook groups, angry TV hosts, and wordy articles filling the newspapers bitching about him? Well, he’s practically asking for it; Releasing two movies just weeks apart, having posters on the street that outnumber those of an entire election campaign, and his face uttering the shittiest shit on every fucking TV channel. He’s such an attention whore who just won’t leave you alone and, as anybody that has piled it on him knows, it feels balls out awesome.
Tamer didn’t earn his flock of fans by embracing the fake-it-till-you-make-it stance alone. The motherfucker can push some buttons. For the guys he’s the cocky underdog, and for the gals he’s the crackpot romantic douche; both of which are equally relatable and misguiding. A stint in prison for avoiding conscription helped milk some sympathy too, more so than it did for his partner in crime Haisam Shaker (but that may be due to Shaker’s crass inhibitions). It added to the allure and gave birth to one of the best home-brewed fashion trends: the “We Miss You Tamer” t-shirt.
Arguing how misguided kids are for admiring such a shady icon is a tiresome and flaky argument. There will always be a need for an asshole to fill the teen idol role and for hormone-driven teens to obsess over him. Dealing with the trauma of having been such a fan (and the realization of how big of a loser you were) helps build character. I just wish those kids could have someone with at least one ball; maybe someone with a less conflicted saga: The macho-metrosexual-fag in search of pussy.
All this Tamer lovin’ (for more be sure to check out Tamer lovers) is nothing if not misplaced affection, and Tamer is a byproduct of an insular pop culture that celebrates its mere existence. It’s sad for the kids to have him as an outlet for their frustration, so can we please let them fuck already?! They’re one gay pube shy from publicly jerking off to TH posters on the 6th of October Bridge. You think it’s jammed now? Just wait until the Tamer Hosny J.O. parties break. And hey Tamer, Michael Jackson just like totally died and your pulling his rig out. Dude, show some fucking respect.