Cussing in Arabic

4 Aug

Wesley Willis is the shit, his songs are like hugs wrapped with love and dipped in tenderness. He tells it like it is, using crayons made out of panda dicks and ibex bootyholes to paint his pictures. Hearing him holler about Saddam Hussein’s ass or tasting a mountain goat’s anus always perks me up. The guy has his way with swearword and we all can relate; Peppering your speech with F-bombs and S-bombs gives it a sense of edge and urgency. Yet, something most definitely gets lost in translation when you shift gears to Arabic.

If I didn’t know better I could’ve sworn that Arabic profanity have the ability to summon demons that fart Lord-of-the-Rings Balrogs, it could open the gates of hell on itself and turn all existence into pure concentrated agony. The sounds these words produce is so potent, whoever is wasting their time trying to find a cure to cancer should drop that shit and study their vibration, it holds the key that is going to unlock some end-of-the-world kind of shit.

As a rule of thumb, one should keep his potty mouth tendencies to a minimum when conversing in Arabic. One should only make do with the wholly trinity, A7A, Kos, Bedan. Ars, Sharmota, and Khawel are also acceptable but should be used sparingly and only for emphasis. Under no circumstances should one ever try to get creative using such words, don’t mix and match, verbalize, coin new phrases, or make analogies using them. That goes double for the ladies, if you break these rules you’re automatically demoted to a whore. I know it’s super sexist but these are the rules, I didn’t make ‘em but I sure as hell take them into consideration.

I suppose there is only one instant of casting a K word came to be one of the sweetest things to ever grace the servers of youtube. Only a sprit as pure as Natalie Portman’s could utter such filth and make it sound so heavenly (have no idea what I’m talking about? check Natalie Portman’s favorite word). It’s simultaneously mindfucking and super cute.

I can’t foresee a future where Arabic Cussing gets trendy, the odds are all stacked against it. Oh attempts have been made, but it’s just not possible. Something is fundamentally wrong with the music of said words, you can’t tame them, and even divorced from their working class association they are just too raw for human exchange. Or maybe I am clueless, maybe when movies finally reflect the raunchy reality we live in Arabic vulgarity well finally get its fair chance. Until then keep the shakher to a minimum.


6 Responses to “Cussing in Arabic”

  1. base August 4, 2009 at 8:55 pm #

    hahaha, hilarious man, really well written!

    But I, on the other hand, am hopeful that one day Howard Stern will get on the air and let out a great big shakhra and declare that most politicians are welad metnaka. One must hope, after all…

  2. scribbled August 10, 2009 at 3:59 pm #

    for the natalie portman clip, thank you. the rest is cool too.

    • Haisam August 11, 2009 at 5:58 pm #

      Aymen, you’re cool too

  3. forsoothsayer August 26, 2009 at 6:34 pm #

    i have personally elevated the swearing level at my office in arabic to sick proportions – i love swearing in arabic and will not cease! then again, my friends (even the girls) do too.
    they SHOULD have more profanity in movies!

  4. Haisam September 8, 2009 at 10:26 pm #

    @forsoothsayer, I totally with you on that one. just hearing arabic profanity in any other context than while setting with friends sounds so wrong to me.

    A while ago me and friend recorded our conversation and when I played it back in my iPod (I know very ego-maniacal but I had my reasons) it sounded so wrong.

    I love a girl with case of the potty mouth, being it arabic or english, or even pig latin, it’s all good

  5. Robert De Sable September 15, 2009 at 10:28 am #

    I saw that clip some time ago and I must say, that was the best “K” I heard in my life. So sexy coming out of her… I guess the Israelis are better than us using our curse words. If a girl cursed at me that way, I’d drop my pants and go for her. hehe All Hail Arabic Cursing!

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